~Isse~'s Site

I'm only human... prone to make mistakes...


I loved before and until now... I got hurt and almost die in pain...


I made some wrong decisions... but I had made a bunch of good ones...


I was emotionally battered... but I stood up and continue to live...


I was desperate to achieve my dream... now i have it in my hands...


I was unwanted... blamed... neglected... but I stayed strong...


I felt every kind of emotions that a person could ever imagined..


I never regret anything... not at all...


coz I'm not perfect...  and I just love the imperfect me...

Cheating Exposed: How You Find Out Your Partner is Cheating is Important 

• If the partner confesses his or her infidelity to you, it may be a cry for help. He or she may want you to help him either fix your relationship or end it.
• If you find out that your partner is cheating by discovering without his or her input, you’ve got a tougher problem because in addition to the extra curricular activities, there is lying going on.
• If your spouse is a serial cheater, which means they have been cheating with more than one person, then it's going to be much harder for them to change their behavior than if it was truly a one time thing.

Serial Cheaters

If your spouse  or boyfriend is a serial cheater, then you have a difficult problem that requires professional help to either keep the marriage intact, or to unravel it. While you are doing this, try to keep the children uninvolved in the drama. If they see you crying or red-eyed, you can tell them that - daddy and I (or mommy and I) are having some grown-up problems, and we're working them out, but sometimes it makes us feel sad. And something that makes me feel better is when I go to yoga (or whatever it is that does make you feel better).

In some cases, cheating can actually save a marriage that is going through rough patches. If no one’s feelings are hurt, which usually means that someone doesn’t find out, or if the cheating is going on with both spouses, but there is a strong commitment to the family unit, the cheating can take care of sexual and intimacy needs of the individuals, while the business of "running" the family is going on as usual. In many European histories, this was common and accepted, and affairs were a way of keeping marriages that had political ramifications intact.

The Cheater In Need is someone whose needs, wants, and desires (physical or emotional) are not being met within the relationship.  Often this person does not know how to communicate their needs, or he or she feels uncomfortable asking for what they need. The cheater in need's partner may, equally, not be able to understand what the cheater is asking for, or they may be unable (or unwilling) to meet those needs. This type of relationship vividly demonstrates the need for honest and open communication between partners as these cheaters cheat because they do not know how to get their needs met in a more productive way.

The Passive Aggressive Cheater wants to be caught and left by the non-cheating partner. Rather than facing the partner and saying that they want to break up, he (or she) cheats and hopes to be discovered so that they can get out of the relationship. Yes, it's a passive aggressive way to break up.

The Narcissistic Cheater is someone who wants to have the best of both worlds ...or three worlds, or four, whatever the case may be. He (or she) doesn't have any regard for anyone else's feelings or needs. The narcissist only cares about themselves, period.  It is important to realize that someone with a narcissistic personality is unlikely to ever change.  These people seek out partners to satisfy their needs -- their needs, and theirs alone.

The Adrenaline Junkie Cheater is addicted to excitement, sex, and risk. These people often get bored in a healthy relationship and crave the feeling of almost being caught and the adrenaline rush that comes with that fear.

The Self Destructive Cheater suffers deep seeded psychological problem and they don't feel that they deserve love, so when things are going well, and they start feeling loved, they will do whatever they need to do to end it. Often that dysfunction takes the form of cheating.

The Symptomatic Cheater is someone whose cheating behavior is just the tip of the iceberg -- a secondary symptom of some other problem. For instance, alcoholics and addicts may cheat on their lovers or their spouses as a symptom or a part of their disease. Cheating may not be the main problem -- rather a symptom of something else that's wrong.

1. You’re afraid that he’s cheating and you don’t want to know. Some women would rather be in a relationship than in a truthful relationship. They’ll keep boyfriends and husbands who are not faithful because they don’t want to be alone. They’ll even turn their heads and look away so that they don’t have to confront the hurtful truth that their partners are liars and cheaters and then take the appropriate actions.
2. You’re afraid to tell him that you’re not okay with his “anything but friendly” e-mail language, and ask for your “rights” in the relationship because you don’t want a conflict and you’re afraid you’ll lose him if you assert yourself. Your self esteem isn’t quite where it should be on the healthy self esteem thermometer.
3. You don’t take relationships seriously. You’re not all that concerned, despite your letter, about being involved with someone who isn’t Mr. Right. You’re willing to move forward even if it means getting into a further mess.

1. Are you unhappy? Not just in the relationship -- but in general. If you have problems, there is a tendency to look for answers in other people. It doesn't mean that anyone who's unhappy will stray -- but it does mean that people who are not happy may look elsewhere for answers to their problems.

3. Addiction personality. People with addictive personalities tend to jump from one thing to another. They are more prone to chaos than steady relationships. With that comes cheating. If your partner or you have an addictive personality, keep it in check.

4. You're a booty call -- not a date. If all your dates with your partner start at 10 p.m. or later, and they rarely involve going out, you can be pretty sure you're his or her booty call, and he's got other things going on, on the side.

5. Is he or she all about me, me, me? If your partner (or you) is narcissistic, they are going to put themselves first. Every time. Even when it comes to sex. Someone narcissistic will rationalize cheating.

6. Do they lie? If your partner lies about some things, and you find that he or she is lying about a LOT of things, there is a strong chance that they're lying to you about fidelity, too.

7. Risk junkies. If your partner loves risk, they may subject your relationship to the risk of cheating, hoping you won't find out. Watch out for risk takers. They take risks all over.

8. Does your partner want out -- but can't get out? If a partner doesn't want to be in a relationship they will find a way to get out of it -- one way or another. And if they don't have the self esteem to confront you and/or break up in a normal fashion, they may cheat and want to get caught as a cowardly way of getting out of the relationship. So if you think your partner wants out -- watch out.

9. Intimacy issues. If your partner doesn't feel that they are worthy of a relationship then they will find a way to get out of the relationship, and cheating is one way. Anyone who has trouble maintaining relationships in other areas of life, may have trouble maintaining one with you. Cheating is a way out of intimacy.

10. Do you or your partner have an ex in town with who you have unresolved issues? This is a hotbed (no pun intended -- or maybe there is a pun intended!) for cheating. If you or your partner didn't resolve a historic break up, and that ex is in town and wants to see you -- there's a good chance that ex sex may happen, and that spells cheating for you.

• Eye contact: When he won't meet your eye when he tells you something, your inner alarm should start ringing.
   
• Body language: Blushing, sweating, leg jiggling, scratching a maddening itch - such responses can be a reflection of his body's reaction to covering up the truth.
   
• Credibility: Try to see if his words sound plausible. Some people, in the panic of being forced to lie, can trot out the most absurd story that is just impossible to believe. Really bad liars look skeptical as they tell their tall tale - even they don't look like they believe it.
   
• Repetition: If the man repeats the question you ask him, he is generally buying himself more time to formulate his lie.
   
• Gut instinct: You have a powerful secret weapon left: listen to your instincts. Sometimes you are face to face with a professional con man or a compulsively unfaithful partner. Such people will be experienced and credible. They will have worked on controlling their bodies' reactions to the fear of getting caught out, and will seem natural and trustworthy at first glance. In these situations, and often in spite of all the evidence before you, you will sometimes experience a strong feeling that something's not right. The biggest mistake you can ever make in such a situation is to ignore this gut feeling. Of course, not everyone deserves to be the object of automatic and chronic suspicion. But if you're not sure if someone is lying to you, pay attention to the combination of eye contact, body language, the credibility of the excuse, and your gut instincts. You will find that your ability to spot a lie at 50 paces becomes finely tuned and very reliable.

• But I tried to call
  
• I didn't get the message
  
• I didn't notice what she looked like
  
• Sex isn't the most important thing
  
• I'll be careful
  
• We'll talk about it later
  
• I'm not mad
  
• I could fall in love with you in a minute (wait a minute and ask him how he feels now)